Trading Up

When I started this blog, I knew I would have trouble keeping up with it. I’ve tried to keep a diary/journal/blog since I was in middle school (around the time I read The Diary of Anne Frank) and have had trouble with the follow-through each time. Usually it’s because I forget or don’t take the time, even though I think writing things down is so very important. But this time it’s because I was having trouble putting into words this very special time in my life.  How do you begin to sum up all the emotions and thoughts that surround having a baby and starting your family?! Well, there is the good - Eli’s smile and watching Kyle be a Daddy, the bad - several very sleepless nights, and the ugly - perhaps a bit of post-partum depression trying to sneak around. I wrote this in my paper journal around the time he was two months old:

Being a new mom means:

• Getting all your sleep in the form of short naps
• Not being completely sure when you last took a shower
• Wondering if you can actually die from exhaustion
• Leaving your own birthday party early to go feed the baby
• Being completely sure of your real hair color
• Learning to do everything in 2 hour time blocks
• Not having any clean clothes because everything you own has spit up on it
• Forgetting all these “problems” when he looks into your eyes and smiles

Now Eli is almost five months old, and it isn’t as desperate sounding as all of that. There are more smiles, cuddles and giggles. When he was first born people used to ask, “Can you even remember your life without him?” and I would think…yes. I remember sleeping as late as I wanted on the weekends. I remember being able to leave the house without having to plan around someone’s feeding schedule. I remember the possibility of a vacation without any responsibilities. But now I understand what they meant. I do remember our lives before Elijah. Kyle and I had a lot of fun being just the two of us. But I wouldn’t go back to that for a million dollars. As Kyle put it, we have definitely “traded up”.